Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
