She said her name was "party"
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize