Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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