Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
