i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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