They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
