There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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