I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
