insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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