Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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