I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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