She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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