I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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