matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
