I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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