You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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