I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Too much gin, very little bucket
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
