I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
