I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
