Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
