I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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