i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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