So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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