Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
