You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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