Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
