??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
They have beer where we have blood.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
