Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
