i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize