I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
