May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
