I need help removing her.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
