Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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