He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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