i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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