Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
