my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
My balls are so social today.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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