i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
