I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
