Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize