she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
