ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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