Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
