Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
now i know why i became what i already was.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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