I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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