I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
