Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
