Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
