If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize