I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
