You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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