Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
So much Jack, so little girl.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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