OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
