Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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