sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
