He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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