There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
