I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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