You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
