omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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