I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
