Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize