Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
