i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
