You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
