Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
