cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize