I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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