well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize