Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
