whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
