Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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