i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
