Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
